Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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