Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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