i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
