I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
