sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
