She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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