I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize