how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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