he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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