I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
