I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
