I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I forget how to act sober
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
