I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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