Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
