from now on my penis is your penis
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
