she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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