I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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