Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
