apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
