I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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