sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
