you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
