Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
