So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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