The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
