somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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