This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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