That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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