Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think i have two assholes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
