I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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