I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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