And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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