UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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