you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
