one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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