Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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