Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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