even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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