i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
