stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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