He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
