about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What a dumb baby whore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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