i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
