remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
