never play flip cup with pint glasses
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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