im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
