Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
