so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
