you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
