What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
