Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
