I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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