Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
