I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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