What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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