i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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