Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
