he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
