Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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