dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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