Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
