So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize