Don't you send me to vm
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
