Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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